Sunday, December 26, 2010
This is what Christmas means to me: the return of hope, the season of joy, the spirit of love.
That is the joyful message of the night of Christmas: if the little child who was born in Bethlehem is truly the Son of God, then from that moment on everything becomes possible. Then the outlook of the world will change, every hurt will have meaning because it will be healed, every cloud of darkness will be swept away by the light, and every sorrow turn into joy. For in this little child of Christmas God's grace is revealed for the salvation of all. From this point on every human weakness will be clothed with the power of God's Son, cherished and caressed by his love.
The Latest Asthma Breakthroughs Can Help Your Child
With the shocking rise in the number of children with asthma, chances are your kid or one of his friends has this life-threatening respiratory disease. Find out how the latest breakthroughs can help…
About 9 million kids in the U.S. have asthma – a 50% increase just in the last decade. The question is why.
“People naturally wonder why so many more kids have allergies and asthma, so a lot of researchers are trying to figure it out,” says Maria Garcia Lloret, M.D., a UCLA pediatric allergist.
When triggered, asthma causes wheezing, chest tightness and difficulty breathing. Even scarier, since children have small air passages, it can be life-threatening.
But there’s a silver – or at least slightly shiny – lining. Although researchers may never discover one neat, tidy way to stop or predict asthma, they’re beginning to find pieces in the puzzle.
Here are some of the newest breakthroughs in asthma research – including clues from cholesterol levels, neck discoloration and exhaled chemicals – and how they might help your child.
Breakthrough: Tylenol (acetaminophen) use linked to asthma.
The research low-down: A large study published this year in the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine found a link between asthma symptoms and acetaminophen use.
The more acetaminophen children took, the more asthma episodes they experienced, according to the International Study of Asthma and Allergies in Childhood (ISAAC), which looked at 322,959 adolescents in 50 countries.
“In the mid-1970s, we found the link between Reye’s syndrome and aspirin use in children,” says Bradley E. Chipps, M.D., an American Academy of Pediatrics spokesman.“Then we all jumped to Tylenol because we were afraid of aspirin. Now it’s time to rethink Tylenol.”
What to do: Chipps, an allergy and asthma specialist in Sacramento, Calif., now recommends ibuprofen instead of acetaminophen for his young patients.
“While there’s risk associated with taking any kind of medication [even over-the-counter painkillers], ibuprofen sensitivity in adolescents and children is less than 1%,” he says. “I feel better recommending it.”
But talk to your pediatrician, before avoiding acetaminophen products for your children.
Breakthrough: Elevated triglycerides are an early sign of asthma, even in normal-weight kids.
The research low-down: Previously, researchers found a solid link between childhood obesity, elevated triglyceride levels and asthma. Now, research has found links between asthma and elevated triglyceride levels even in normal-weight and underweight kids.
“The children who are asthmatic had higher triglyceride levels than nonasthmatic kids do,” says lead researcher Lesley Cottrell, Ph.D., associate professor of pediatrics at West Virginia University. She presented her findings at the 2009 International Conference of the American Thoracic Society.
The next phase of Cottrell’s research is to tease out the “chicken or egg” question: Is asthma contributing to elevated triglyceride levels? Or is lifestyle – high-fat diets and lack of exercise, for example – causing high triglycerides and thus triggering asthma even without obesity?
What to do: Take a look at your child's neck. Seriously.
In Cottrell’s studies, something called acanthosis nigricans, a slight darkening of the skin, usually around the collar area on the back of the neck, was linked with raised triglycerides and, ultimately, asthma.
“If your child has this marking, take him in for a triglyceride check,” Cottrell advises. If his triglycerides are high, you may also be clued in early to asthma.
Breakthrough: Vitamin D supplements may help control asthma.
The research low-down: Vitamin D, known as the sunshine vitamin because our bodies produce it in response to ultraviolet (UV) exposure, is in the health limelight already. Inadequate levels have been linked to cancer, diabetes and now asthma.
Last year, a study published in the British Journal of Pharmacology found that vitamin D inhibited the growth of airway smooth muscle cells, which, in excess, are associated with asthma. This means vitamin D could eventually be prescribed as a well-tolerated, low-risk adjunct to other asthma medications.
“We’ve begun routinely monitoring and measuring vitamin D levels in severe asthmatics, and as many as 75% are profoundly deficient,” says Reynold A. Panettieri, Jr., M.D., one of the study’s authors and director of the comprehensive asthma program at the University of Pennsylvania. “We believe they could benefit from supplements.”
What to do: Ask a doctor to check your child’s vitamin D levels and discuss whether he would benefit from supplements, especially if you live in a colder climate, or if your child is obese or has dark skin – factors that influence D levels.
Good vitamin D sources are salmon, mackerel and fortified milk, but diet and even sunshine are usually not enough when you’re deficient, Panettieri says.
“Our studies found that those who are deficient actually have to take much, much larger doses of supplements than the current recommendations to reap benefits,” he says.
The American Academy of Pediatrics currently suggests that infants and children have a minimum daily intake of at least 400 international units (IUs). Research has suggested that doses that are double that or higher are relatively safe.
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is expected to release updated and possibly increased D recommendations later this year.
Breakthrough: Genetics raise a child’s risk of asthma.
The research low-down: Using data from 33 studies, Harvard researchers found that children with asthmatic mothers were three times more likely to develop asthma than those whose moms were non-asthmatic. Children with asthmatic fathers were slightly less (2.44) times more likely to develop the disease.
The gender discrepancy in asthma is intriguing too.
“Before puberty, more boys than girls have asthma, but after puberty, more girls have it,” Panettieri says. “That brings us back to genetics.”
Is something going on with the X chromosome? “We don’t know yet, but it’s certainly interesting,” he says.
What to do: Know your family’s health history, since this research shows that asthma runs in families, whether it comes from Mom or Dad.
Breakthrough: The amount of nitric oxide in exhaled breath is an early indicator of childhood asthma.
The research low-down: A 3-year University of Southern California study of 2,206 children found that those with high levels of nitric oxide (FeNO) in their exhaled air were twice as likely to develop asthma than children with the lowest FeNO levels.
What to do: “Ask your pediatrician about the test,” Panettieri advises. “Say, ‘I’ve heard about this test. Do you plan to do it?’ ”
Although traditional lung-function tests are impossible for very young children, the FeNO test is easy to administer and has no side effects.
With the increase in childhood asthma, it won’t be surprising if pediatricians routinely offer it in the future.
Asthma Resources
Check out these websites for more on this chronic lung disorder:
Lifescript Asthma Health Center.
The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology has resources for patients and consumers. Plus, find an Asthma specialist near you.
FamilyDoctor.com explains why people develop asthma and allergies.
About 9 million kids in the U.S. have asthma – a 50% increase just in the last decade. The question is why.
“People naturally wonder why so many more kids have allergies and asthma, so a lot of researchers are trying to figure it out,” says Maria Garcia Lloret, M.D., a UCLA pediatric allergist.
When triggered, asthma causes wheezing, chest tightness and difficulty breathing. Even scarier, since children have small air passages, it can be life-threatening.
But there’s a silver – or at least slightly shiny – lining. Although researchers may never discover one neat, tidy way to stop or predict asthma, they’re beginning to find pieces in the puzzle.
Here are some of the newest breakthroughs in asthma research – including clues from cholesterol levels, neck discoloration and exhaled chemicals – and how they might help your child.
Breakthrough: Tylenol (acetaminophen) use linked to asthma.
The research low-down: A large study published this year in the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine found a link between asthma symptoms and acetaminophen use.
The more acetaminophen children took, the more asthma episodes they experienced, according to the International Study of Asthma and Allergies in Childhood (ISAAC), which looked at 322,959 adolescents in 50 countries.
“In the mid-1970s, we found the link between Reye’s syndrome and aspirin use in children,” says Bradley E. Chipps, M.D., an American Academy of Pediatrics spokesman.“Then we all jumped to Tylenol because we were afraid of aspirin. Now it’s time to rethink Tylenol.”
What to do: Chipps, an allergy and asthma specialist in Sacramento, Calif., now recommends ibuprofen instead of acetaminophen for his young patients.
“While there’s risk associated with taking any kind of medication [even over-the-counter painkillers], ibuprofen sensitivity in adolescents and children is less than 1%,” he says. “I feel better recommending it.”
But talk to your pediatrician, before avoiding acetaminophen products for your children.
Breakthrough: Elevated triglycerides are an early sign of asthma, even in normal-weight kids.
The research low-down: Previously, researchers found a solid link between childhood obesity, elevated triglyceride levels and asthma. Now, research has found links between asthma and elevated triglyceride levels even in normal-weight and underweight kids.
“The children who are asthmatic had higher triglyceride levels than nonasthmatic kids do,” says lead researcher Lesley Cottrell, Ph.D., associate professor of pediatrics at West Virginia University. She presented her findings at the 2009 International Conference of the American Thoracic Society.
The next phase of Cottrell’s research is to tease out the “chicken or egg” question: Is asthma contributing to elevated triglyceride levels? Or is lifestyle – high-fat diets and lack of exercise, for example – causing high triglycerides and thus triggering asthma even without obesity?
What to do: Take a look at your child's neck. Seriously.
In Cottrell’s studies, something called acanthosis nigricans, a slight darkening of the skin, usually around the collar area on the back of the neck, was linked with raised triglycerides and, ultimately, asthma.
“If your child has this marking, take him in for a triglyceride check,” Cottrell advises. If his triglycerides are high, you may also be clued in early to asthma.
Breakthrough: Vitamin D supplements may help control asthma.
The research low-down: Vitamin D, known as the sunshine vitamin because our bodies produce it in response to ultraviolet (UV) exposure, is in the health limelight already. Inadequate levels have been linked to cancer, diabetes and now asthma.
Last year, a study published in the British Journal of Pharmacology found that vitamin D inhibited the growth of airway smooth muscle cells, which, in excess, are associated with asthma. This means vitamin D could eventually be prescribed as a well-tolerated, low-risk adjunct to other asthma medications.
“We’ve begun routinely monitoring and measuring vitamin D levels in severe asthmatics, and as many as 75% are profoundly deficient,” says Reynold A. Panettieri, Jr., M.D., one of the study’s authors and director of the comprehensive asthma program at the University of Pennsylvania. “We believe they could benefit from supplements.”
What to do: Ask a doctor to check your child’s vitamin D levels and discuss whether he would benefit from supplements, especially if you live in a colder climate, or if your child is obese or has dark skin – factors that influence D levels.
Good vitamin D sources are salmon, mackerel and fortified milk, but diet and even sunshine are usually not enough when you’re deficient, Panettieri says.
“Our studies found that those who are deficient actually have to take much, much larger doses of supplements than the current recommendations to reap benefits,” he says.
The American Academy of Pediatrics currently suggests that infants and children have a minimum daily intake of at least 400 international units (IUs). Research has suggested that doses that are double that or higher are relatively safe.
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is expected to release updated and possibly increased D recommendations later this year.
Breakthrough: Genetics raise a child’s risk of asthma.
The research low-down: Using data from 33 studies, Harvard researchers found that children with asthmatic mothers were three times more likely to develop asthma than those whose moms were non-asthmatic. Children with asthmatic fathers were slightly less (2.44) times more likely to develop the disease.
The gender discrepancy in asthma is intriguing too.
“Before puberty, more boys than girls have asthma, but after puberty, more girls have it,” Panettieri says. “That brings us back to genetics.”
Is something going on with the X chromosome? “We don’t know yet, but it’s certainly interesting,” he says.
What to do: Know your family’s health history, since this research shows that asthma runs in families, whether it comes from Mom or Dad.
Breakthrough: The amount of nitric oxide in exhaled breath is an early indicator of childhood asthma.
The research low-down: A 3-year University of Southern California study of 2,206 children found that those with high levels of nitric oxide (FeNO) in their exhaled air were twice as likely to develop asthma than children with the lowest FeNO levels.
What to do: “Ask your pediatrician about the test,” Panettieri advises. “Say, ‘I’ve heard about this test. Do you plan to do it?’ ”
Although traditional lung-function tests are impossible for very young children, the FeNO test is easy to administer and has no side effects.
With the increase in childhood asthma, it won’t be surprising if pediatricians routinely offer it in the future.
Asthma Resources
Check out these websites for more on this chronic lung disorder:
Lifescript Asthma Health Center.
The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology has resources for patients and consumers. Plus, find an Asthma specialist near you.
FamilyDoctor.com explains why people develop asthma and allergies.
6 Reasons Why You Can't Leave a Loser
You know he’s not Mr. Right. He’s not even Mr. Right Now. So why can’t a smart woman like you ditch the loser? Read on to find out. Plus, rate your relationship with our quiz…
I was in college when an older man asked me out. We went to a concert (nice), then back to his place (predictable). By morning, I knew the relationship was a non-starter.
But his attention was flattering and I was between boyfriends. Before I knew it, my one-night stand turned into a year-long relationship. He even talked of marriage.
Right then, I should have cut and run. But I’d grown used to his loud, obnoxious behavior. And at least I had a date on Saturday nights.
I didn’t get my complacent butt out of there until he raised his hand to smack me during a disagreement. Though his hand never connected, that near-slap was just the push I needed.
Any sign of abuse (physical or emotional) is an obvious relationship deal-breaker. And the same goes for addictions of any stripe (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling). But even without such problems, we often find ourselves spinning our wheels in dead-end relationships.
According to relationship experts, here are the 6 most common reasons we stay with men we’re just not that into:
1. My family made me do it.
Blaming your issues on Mom, Dad, your siblings or the dog can get a little tired. But persistently picking Mr. Wrong does have a lot to do with your upbringing, therapists say.
“What happens in the family shapes how we see ourselves in the world, our core beliefs and our behaviors,” says life/relationship coach Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life (Hay House). “Then we take those behavior patterns into adulthood.”
So a girl who grew up thinking I don’t deserve love is subconsciously attracted to men who can’t meet her emotional needs.
“It doesn’t make her happy, but it’s comfortable because it’s familiar,” Mackler says.
It’s the emotional equivalent of the hamster wheel: You never get the guy, no matter how hard you work. But the thought that you might if you just hang on a little longer keeps you in the game.
“Women are willing to deal with long stretches of crap for that momentary approval or affection,” explains clinical psychologist Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D., co-author of Sex Matters for Women (Guilford Press). “When it comes – and it’s not often – the attention is almost like oxygen. It means everything.”
2. I won’t find anyone better.
So he’s boorish and overly critical. Breaks dates. Doesn’t call. Plays head games. Forgets your birthday. But he’s all yours. Would it be any different with anyone else?
Hello?! Someone’s self-esteem needs a transfusion.
Blame this one, too, on a dysfunctional family dynamic.
When a woman is in a relationship with a clear loser, there’s a symbolic agenda playing out. It's "usually not getting the love and affection of a parent,” Sugrue says. “So when things don’t go well, it becomes easier for her to rationalize it and take the blame for it.”
This pattern is one of the most destructive ways women sabotage themselves in work and relationships, says clinical psychotherapist Pat Pearson, author of Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships and Find the Success You Deserve (McGraw Hill). We think, Well, it’s better than nothing.
“If we don’t believe we deserve to have a good relationship, we settle for less than what we could have or truly want,” she says. “We compromise our own integrity.”
(Check out more sizzling-hot topics from 2010)
3. I don’t want to be alone.
Then there’s the fear that you’ll end up a lonely spinster, so you hang on longer than you should out of a misguided sense of self-preservation.
Chalk this one up to family issues again, especially if the message you internalized growing up was, “You need a man to take care of you.”
“Fear of being alone is a huge factor that keeps people in bad relationships,” says Mackler, the life/relationship coach. “The underlying message is that you’re not able to take care of yourself.”
So you get into relationships with Mr. Wrong.
4. He’ll change.
Uh-huh. Tell it to the Tooth Fairy. Women have been deluding themselves with this particular fairy tale since cave gals sat around the fire pit, grousing that their men were such Neanderthals.
Don’t bet the farm on him changing in any substantial way. Improving hair and wardrobe is about the best you can do. (Though you might make some headway with the toilet-seat-down thing.)
But serious character flaws? Figure on living with ’em... or leaving him.
“What you see is what you’re going to get,” Sugrue says. “If there is change, consider that to be a gift from heaven. But don’t count on it.”
5. He needs me.
If ever there was a big enough ball to keep you chained to a loser, it’s this one. We love being needed. We eat that up like a chocolate chip hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top.
“Women tend to over-give to people who don’t give as much back,” says Pearson, the clinical psychologist. “We’ve all been taught that we shouldn’t be selfish and to keep on giving even if we don’t get it back.”
We tell ourselves we’re indispensable. Or maybe you do have legitimate worries that if you split, he’d gamble, drink, slide into depression or kill himself.
But what you call “love,” therapists label as “co-dependency,” “enabling” or “emotional extortion.”
We’re then sucked into unhealthy relationships because serving in their lives makes us feel good about ourselves, explains Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Conn. “It can be tough to move past the guilt and believe that he’ll make it, that you’re not his only lifeline.”
6. The sex is phenomenal.
That hormonal surge of oxytocin that courses through your brain when you have mind-blowing sex is designed to bond you to your partner. It’s emotional super-glue. But this neurochemistry can backfire when we bond with the wrong guy.
“Just because it was the best sex you ever had doesn’t mean that this is the best partner for you,” says certified sex therapist and psychologist Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D, of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, Calif.
And if you feel embarrassment or shame about becoming sexual too quickly, you might be tempted “to make a relationship out of the encounter,” Buehler says.
Should You Stay or Go?
These steps can get you thinking – honestly – about the state of your union.
1. Search your soul. Ask yourself these questions, Sugrue says:
Do I really care about this person or has the relationship become habit?
Is it easier to stay than make the effort to leave?
Do I feel like he really cares for me? Or am I doing all the heavy lifting?
Would I be tempted to leave If someone else I’m attracted to was suddenly available and I could get out of my current relationship with no negative consequences, embarrassment, shame or explanations? If you’re thinking maybe, “that should tell you something,” Sugrue says.
2. Make a list. Works with Christmas gifts and relationships.
Figure out what works (and doesn't) in your relationship, Sugg says. “That can help you determine what needs to change for the relationship to feel healthier for you.”
So make like Santa and check your list twice. And talk it over with your guy. Maybe he didn’t realize that openly flirting with other women gets on your nerves. It’s unlikely, but at least you’ve done due diligence before you walk out.
3. Get online. If you just don’t think you can do any better, click through some online dating sites. You don’t even need to post a profile. Just punch in your zip code and take a look at who’s around. Nice guys! Near you!
It’s the relationship equivalent of window-shopping. Not all these dudes will pony up to ride into the sunset with you. But even if you’re convinced the sea is empty, you’ll see there are plenty of fish out there.
4. Take a break. Absence can make the heart grow fonder... or show you that you’re doing just fine without him. Either way, you get some perspective, Buehler says.
5. Hold off on hooking up. No judgment here. Casual, no-strings-attached sex definitely has its place. However, “it’s important to look at what you’re trying to get when you’re hooking up,” Sugg says.
If you want to meet your dream man and live happily ever after, hooking up is “not the way you’re going to form lasting relationships,” Sugg says.
6. Do a reality check. If you worry that ditching an unsatisfying relationship will leave you alone forever or possibly even destitute, take a deep breath and step back from the ledge.
Therapists call this “awfulizing” or “catastrophizing.” Mackler says you’re playing the Gloom and Doom Movie by imagining the absolute worst-case scenario, and it’s spinning in your mind as reality. So take stock.
“Look at the core beliefs you have about yourself that’s driving this fear,” she says.
Do you really believe you’ll die without someone to take care of you? What about those friends and family who love you? And don’t you have your own money to pay those bills?
Looks like an apartment with only cats for company isn’t your destiny after all. And you’re doing pretty well fending for yourself. Soon you’ll get your brain around the idea that you can jump ship if you want to – and land on your feet.
Then you can start thinking about what your new movie will look like, Mackler says. Perhaps the screen will show that you can be happy without a relationship. Or that the next guy you date will appreciate and respect you.
Roll tape…
Are You Just Not That Into Him?
Many people stay in relationships because they are convenient or comfortable.
I was in college when an older man asked me out. We went to a concert (nice), then back to his place (predictable). By morning, I knew the relationship was a non-starter.
But his attention was flattering and I was between boyfriends. Before I knew it, my one-night stand turned into a year-long relationship. He even talked of marriage.
Right then, I should have cut and run. But I’d grown used to his loud, obnoxious behavior. And at least I had a date on Saturday nights.
I didn’t get my complacent butt out of there until he raised his hand to smack me during a disagreement. Though his hand never connected, that near-slap was just the push I needed.
Any sign of abuse (physical or emotional) is an obvious relationship deal-breaker. And the same goes for addictions of any stripe (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling). But even without such problems, we often find ourselves spinning our wheels in dead-end relationships.
According to relationship experts, here are the 6 most common reasons we stay with men we’re just not that into:
1. My family made me do it.
Blaming your issues on Mom, Dad, your siblings or the dog can get a little tired. But persistently picking Mr. Wrong does have a lot to do with your upbringing, therapists say.
“What happens in the family shapes how we see ourselves in the world, our core beliefs and our behaviors,” says life/relationship coach Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life (Hay House). “Then we take those behavior patterns into adulthood.”
So a girl who grew up thinking I don’t deserve love is subconsciously attracted to men who can’t meet her emotional needs.
“It doesn’t make her happy, but it’s comfortable because it’s familiar,” Mackler says.
It’s the emotional equivalent of the hamster wheel: You never get the guy, no matter how hard you work. But the thought that you might if you just hang on a little longer keeps you in the game.
“Women are willing to deal with long stretches of crap for that momentary approval or affection,” explains clinical psychologist Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D., co-author of Sex Matters for Women (Guilford Press). “When it comes – and it’s not often – the attention is almost like oxygen. It means everything.”
2. I won’t find anyone better.
So he’s boorish and overly critical. Breaks dates. Doesn’t call. Plays head games. Forgets your birthday. But he’s all yours. Would it be any different with anyone else?
Hello?! Someone’s self-esteem needs a transfusion.
Blame this one, too, on a dysfunctional family dynamic.
When a woman is in a relationship with a clear loser, there’s a symbolic agenda playing out. It's "usually not getting the love and affection of a parent,” Sugrue says. “So when things don’t go well, it becomes easier for her to rationalize it and take the blame for it.”
This pattern is one of the most destructive ways women sabotage themselves in work and relationships, says clinical psychotherapist Pat Pearson, author of Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships and Find the Success You Deserve (McGraw Hill). We think, Well, it’s better than nothing.
“If we don’t believe we deserve to have a good relationship, we settle for less than what we could have or truly want,” she says. “We compromise our own integrity.”
(Check out more sizzling-hot topics from 2010)
3. I don’t want to be alone.
Then there’s the fear that you’ll end up a lonely spinster, so you hang on longer than you should out of a misguided sense of self-preservation.
Chalk this one up to family issues again, especially if the message you internalized growing up was, “You need a man to take care of you.”
“Fear of being alone is a huge factor that keeps people in bad relationships,” says Mackler, the life/relationship coach. “The underlying message is that you’re not able to take care of yourself.”
So you get into relationships with Mr. Wrong.
4. He’ll change.
Uh-huh. Tell it to the Tooth Fairy. Women have been deluding themselves with this particular fairy tale since cave gals sat around the fire pit, grousing that their men were such Neanderthals.
Don’t bet the farm on him changing in any substantial way. Improving hair and wardrobe is about the best you can do. (Though you might make some headway with the toilet-seat-down thing.)
But serious character flaws? Figure on living with ’em... or leaving him.
“What you see is what you’re going to get,” Sugrue says. “If there is change, consider that to be a gift from heaven. But don’t count on it.”
5. He needs me.
If ever there was a big enough ball to keep you chained to a loser, it’s this one. We love being needed. We eat that up like a chocolate chip hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top.
“Women tend to over-give to people who don’t give as much back,” says Pearson, the clinical psychologist. “We’ve all been taught that we shouldn’t be selfish and to keep on giving even if we don’t get it back.”
We tell ourselves we’re indispensable. Or maybe you do have legitimate worries that if you split, he’d gamble, drink, slide into depression or kill himself.
But what you call “love,” therapists label as “co-dependency,” “enabling” or “emotional extortion.”
We’re then sucked into unhealthy relationships because serving in their lives makes us feel good about ourselves, explains Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Conn. “It can be tough to move past the guilt and believe that he’ll make it, that you’re not his only lifeline.”
6. The sex is phenomenal.
That hormonal surge of oxytocin that courses through your brain when you have mind-blowing sex is designed to bond you to your partner. It’s emotional super-glue. But this neurochemistry can backfire when we bond with the wrong guy.
“Just because it was the best sex you ever had doesn’t mean that this is the best partner for you,” says certified sex therapist and psychologist Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D, of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, Calif.
And if you feel embarrassment or shame about becoming sexual too quickly, you might be tempted “to make a relationship out of the encounter,” Buehler says.
Should You Stay or Go?
These steps can get you thinking – honestly – about the state of your union.
1. Search your soul. Ask yourself these questions, Sugrue says:
Do I really care about this person or has the relationship become habit?
Is it easier to stay than make the effort to leave?
Do I feel like he really cares for me? Or am I doing all the heavy lifting?
Would I be tempted to leave If someone else I’m attracted to was suddenly available and I could get out of my current relationship with no negative consequences, embarrassment, shame or explanations? If you’re thinking maybe, “that should tell you something,” Sugrue says.
2. Make a list. Works with Christmas gifts and relationships.
Figure out what works (and doesn't) in your relationship, Sugg says. “That can help you determine what needs to change for the relationship to feel healthier for you.”
So make like Santa and check your list twice. And talk it over with your guy. Maybe he didn’t realize that openly flirting with other women gets on your nerves. It’s unlikely, but at least you’ve done due diligence before you walk out.
3. Get online. If you just don’t think you can do any better, click through some online dating sites. You don’t even need to post a profile. Just punch in your zip code and take a look at who’s around. Nice guys! Near you!
It’s the relationship equivalent of window-shopping. Not all these dudes will pony up to ride into the sunset with you. But even if you’re convinced the sea is empty, you’ll see there are plenty of fish out there.
4. Take a break. Absence can make the heart grow fonder... or show you that you’re doing just fine without him. Either way, you get some perspective, Buehler says.
5. Hold off on hooking up. No judgment here. Casual, no-strings-attached sex definitely has its place. However, “it’s important to look at what you’re trying to get when you’re hooking up,” Sugg says.
If you want to meet your dream man and live happily ever after, hooking up is “not the way you’re going to form lasting relationships,” Sugg says.
6. Do a reality check. If you worry that ditching an unsatisfying relationship will leave you alone forever or possibly even destitute, take a deep breath and step back from the ledge.
Therapists call this “awfulizing” or “catastrophizing.” Mackler says you’re playing the Gloom and Doom Movie by imagining the absolute worst-case scenario, and it’s spinning in your mind as reality. So take stock.
“Look at the core beliefs you have about yourself that’s driving this fear,” she says.
Do you really believe you’ll die without someone to take care of you? What about those friends and family who love you? And don’t you have your own money to pay those bills?
Looks like an apartment with only cats for company isn’t your destiny after all. And you’re doing pretty well fending for yourself. Soon you’ll get your brain around the idea that you can jump ship if you want to – and land on your feet.
Then you can start thinking about what your new movie will look like, Mackler says. Perhaps the screen will show that you can be happy without a relationship. Or that the next guy you date will appreciate and respect you.
Roll tape…
Are You Just Not That Into Him?
Many people stay in relationships because they are convenient or comfortable.
Brain scans predict which dyslexics will read
CHICAGO (Reuters) - Sophisticated brain scans accurately predicted which teens with dyslexia would learn to read within three years, a finding that could lead to better ways to treat the common learning disability, researchers said on Monday.
By looking for a specific pattern of brain activity in teens with dyslexia, the researchers predicted with 90 percent accuracy which students would learn to read.
"This gives us hope that we can identify which children might get better over time," Dr. Fumiko Hoeft of Stanford University School of Medicine, whose study appears in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, said in a statement.
"More study is needed before the technique is clinically useful, but this is a huge step forward."
Dyslexia is a brain-based learning disability that affects 5 to 17 percent of U.S. children. People with dyslexia have difficulties with reading, spelling, writing and pronouncing words.
About one-fifth of people with severe dyslexia learn to read. Hoeft and colleagues wanted to see what was occurring in the brain in these students.
They studied 45 kids aged 11 to 14 who took a battery of tests to determine their reading abilities. Based on these, they classified 25 of them as dyslexics.
The team used two different imaging techniques, including functional magnetic resonance imaging, which measures oxygen used by the brain during different activities, and diffusion tensor magnetic resonance imaging or DTI, which reveals connections between brain areas.
The researchers then showed the teens different pairs of words and asked them to identify which ones rhymed, even though they were spelled differently.
They found that about half of the children who were dyslexic had extra activity in a part of the brain near the right temple known as the right inferior frontal gyrus.
And some of the children with dyslexia had stronger connections in a network of brain fibers that links the front and the back of the brain.
When they checked these same children two and a half years later, they found children who had this unusual brain activity were more likely to have learned to read than other dyslexics.
Paper and pencil tests typically used for these children, however, were unable to predict which students would succeed.
"The reason this is exciting is that until now, there have been no known measures that predicted who will learn to compensate," Hoeft said.
Dr. Alan Guttmacher, director the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, one of the National Institutes of Health, said the finding gives insight into how certain people with dyslexia compensate for reading problems.
"Learning why other individuals have difficulty compensating may lead to new treatments to help them overcome reading disability," Guttmacher, whose agency funded the study, said in a statement.
The study is part of a new field called "educational neuroscience" that uses brain imaging studies to help improve learning problems in children and teens.
SOURCE: http://link.reuters.com/mug92r Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Online December 20, 2010.
By looking for a specific pattern of brain activity in teens with dyslexia, the researchers predicted with 90 percent accuracy which students would learn to read.
"This gives us hope that we can identify which children might get better over time," Dr. Fumiko Hoeft of Stanford University School of Medicine, whose study appears in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, said in a statement.
"More study is needed before the technique is clinically useful, but this is a huge step forward."
Dyslexia is a brain-based learning disability that affects 5 to 17 percent of U.S. children. People with dyslexia have difficulties with reading, spelling, writing and pronouncing words.
About one-fifth of people with severe dyslexia learn to read. Hoeft and colleagues wanted to see what was occurring in the brain in these students.
They studied 45 kids aged 11 to 14 who took a battery of tests to determine their reading abilities. Based on these, they classified 25 of them as dyslexics.
The team used two different imaging techniques, including functional magnetic resonance imaging, which measures oxygen used by the brain during different activities, and diffusion tensor magnetic resonance imaging or DTI, which reveals connections between brain areas.
The researchers then showed the teens different pairs of words and asked them to identify which ones rhymed, even though they were spelled differently.
They found that about half of the children who were dyslexic had extra activity in a part of the brain near the right temple known as the right inferior frontal gyrus.
And some of the children with dyslexia had stronger connections in a network of brain fibers that links the front and the back of the brain.
When they checked these same children two and a half years later, they found children who had this unusual brain activity were more likely to have learned to read than other dyslexics.
Paper and pencil tests typically used for these children, however, were unable to predict which students would succeed.
"The reason this is exciting is that until now, there have been no known measures that predicted who will learn to compensate," Hoeft said.
Dr. Alan Guttmacher, director the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, one of the National Institutes of Health, said the finding gives insight into how certain people with dyslexia compensate for reading problems.
"Learning why other individuals have difficulty compensating may lead to new treatments to help them overcome reading disability," Guttmacher, whose agency funded the study, said in a statement.
The study is part of a new field called "educational neuroscience" that uses brain imaging studies to help improve learning problems in children and teens.
SOURCE: http://link.reuters.com/mug92r Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Online December 20, 2010.
Echinacea shows no strong effect on cold misery
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Though millions will turn to the herb echinacea for some relief this cold season, a study out Monday suggests they will get little, if any, benefit.
Based on their findings, the researchers say they cannot recommend the popular herbal remedy to cold sufferers. But they are not advising people against using it, either.
Echinacea, which is derived from the coneflower, has long been touted as a way to bolster immunity and prevent or ease the common cold.
Over the years, though, studies have come to conflicting conclusions as to whether the herb really works. And even the positive ones have generally suggested modest benefits at best.
In this latest study, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, researchers pitted an echinacea supplement against inactive placebo pills for easing cold symptoms among 719 adults and teenagers.
They found that echinacea users recovered slightly more quickly -- an average of a half-day sooner -- and reported somewhat less severe symptoms.
But even those small differences were not quite statistically significant, which means they could have been due to chance.
"This echinacea formulation, which is a good one, did not show any major effect," said lead researcher Dr. Bruce Barrett, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
On the other hand, he told Reuters Health, the findings do not rule out the possibility of a modest benefit.
Barrett said that while some experts will consider this study the "final nail in the coffin" for echinacea as a cold fighter, the positive findings from some past studies complicate the picture.
"Before this trial, the evidence was inconclusive," Barrett said. "And I don't think we're past the inconclusive stage."
So what does that mean for cold sufferers right now? According to Barrett, it depends.
"If you're an adult who has tried echinacea in the past and been happy with it, this study does not say you should stop using it," he said. "On the other hand, it certainly doesn't tell you you should start."
The problem with the common cold is that it can be caused by any of over 200 different viruses. So it is ubiquitous (Americans alone come down with 1 billion colds each year) and resistant to the treatments we throw at it, with symptoms like congestion, sore throat and cough often lasting up to two weeks.
There are treatments that can make symptoms less severe, like acetaminophen for the headache and decongestants for the stuffy nose. But nothing -- from cold medications to vitamin C -- seems to speed recovery from the infection.
"There are no treatments out there that have been shown to reduce the duration of colds," Barrett said.
And though a decongestant or cough suppressant might bring some temporary reprieve, they can also have side effects like dizziness, drowsiness or insomnia. So many people opt for alternative remedies that are commonly seen as safer. One study found that from 2000 to 2006, Americans shelled out between $100 million and $200 million per year on echinacea alone.
For the current study, Barrett's team recruited 719 12- to 80-year-olds who had developed cold symptoms within the past 36 hours. They randomly assigned the patients to take nothing, use placebo tablets or use echinacea tablets; of the echinacea users, half knew they were taking the herb, while the half did not whether they were taking echinacea or the placebo.
The echinacea groups took a formulation made from the root of the plant, which is rich in constituents that, some studies suggest, would be most likely to battle cold symptoms. The patients took eight echinacea tablets on the first day of the study, then four a day over the next four days.
On average, the study found, people in both echinacea groups suffered cold symptoms for between six and seven days. The placebo and no-pill groups differed from them by only a matter of hours -- roughly a half-day.
Similarly, there was no clear difference when the researchers looked at the groups' self-rated symptom severity, which each patient had recorded twice a day while the cold lasted.
The researchers found no evidence that echinacea users suffered side effects, like headache, stomach upset or diarrhea, at a higher rate than the untreated groups.
That's in line with the low risk of side effects studies have generally found when echinacea is taken as directed -- though there is a small chance of allergic reaction.
As far as effectiveness, however, even the studies with positive results suggest echinacea has only modest benefits against cold symptoms.
"No large, well-done clinical trial has shown a large benefit," Barrett said. "It doesn't stop a cold in its tracks, that's for sure."
For people looking for non-drug ways to soften the blow of cold season, Barrett suggested tactics like getting plenty of fluids, getting enough rest and, yes, having some old-fashioned chicken soup.
Those things may not chase away a cold, but they can help you feel better while it's around, he said.
The current study was funded by the U.S. National Institutes of Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Some of the co-researchers on the work are with Warwick, Australia-based MediHerb, maker of the echinacea product used in the study.
SOURCE: http://link.reuters.com/fuz54p Annals of Internal Medicine, December 21, 2010.
Based on their findings, the researchers say they cannot recommend the popular herbal remedy to cold sufferers. But they are not advising people against using it, either.
Echinacea, which is derived from the coneflower, has long been touted as a way to bolster immunity and prevent or ease the common cold.
Over the years, though, studies have come to conflicting conclusions as to whether the herb really works. And even the positive ones have generally suggested modest benefits at best.
In this latest study, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, researchers pitted an echinacea supplement against inactive placebo pills for easing cold symptoms among 719 adults and teenagers.
They found that echinacea users recovered slightly more quickly -- an average of a half-day sooner -- and reported somewhat less severe symptoms.
But even those small differences were not quite statistically significant, which means they could have been due to chance.
"This echinacea formulation, which is a good one, did not show any major effect," said lead researcher Dr. Bruce Barrett, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
On the other hand, he told Reuters Health, the findings do not rule out the possibility of a modest benefit.
Barrett said that while some experts will consider this study the "final nail in the coffin" for echinacea as a cold fighter, the positive findings from some past studies complicate the picture.
"Before this trial, the evidence was inconclusive," Barrett said. "And I don't think we're past the inconclusive stage."
So what does that mean for cold sufferers right now? According to Barrett, it depends.
"If you're an adult who has tried echinacea in the past and been happy with it, this study does not say you should stop using it," he said. "On the other hand, it certainly doesn't tell you you should start."
The problem with the common cold is that it can be caused by any of over 200 different viruses. So it is ubiquitous (Americans alone come down with 1 billion colds each year) and resistant to the treatments we throw at it, with symptoms like congestion, sore throat and cough often lasting up to two weeks.
There are treatments that can make symptoms less severe, like acetaminophen for the headache and decongestants for the stuffy nose. But nothing -- from cold medications to vitamin C -- seems to speed recovery from the infection.
"There are no treatments out there that have been shown to reduce the duration of colds," Barrett said.
And though a decongestant or cough suppressant might bring some temporary reprieve, they can also have side effects like dizziness, drowsiness or insomnia. So many people opt for alternative remedies that are commonly seen as safer. One study found that from 2000 to 2006, Americans shelled out between $100 million and $200 million per year on echinacea alone.
For the current study, Barrett's team recruited 719 12- to 80-year-olds who had developed cold symptoms within the past 36 hours. They randomly assigned the patients to take nothing, use placebo tablets or use echinacea tablets; of the echinacea users, half knew they were taking the herb, while the half did not whether they were taking echinacea or the placebo.
The echinacea groups took a formulation made from the root of the plant, which is rich in constituents that, some studies suggest, would be most likely to battle cold symptoms. The patients took eight echinacea tablets on the first day of the study, then four a day over the next four days.
On average, the study found, people in both echinacea groups suffered cold symptoms for between six and seven days. The placebo and no-pill groups differed from them by only a matter of hours -- roughly a half-day.
Similarly, there was no clear difference when the researchers looked at the groups' self-rated symptom severity, which each patient had recorded twice a day while the cold lasted.
The researchers found no evidence that echinacea users suffered side effects, like headache, stomach upset or diarrhea, at a higher rate than the untreated groups.
That's in line with the low risk of side effects studies have generally found when echinacea is taken as directed -- though there is a small chance of allergic reaction.
As far as effectiveness, however, even the studies with positive results suggest echinacea has only modest benefits against cold symptoms.
"No large, well-done clinical trial has shown a large benefit," Barrett said. "It doesn't stop a cold in its tracks, that's for sure."
For people looking for non-drug ways to soften the blow of cold season, Barrett suggested tactics like getting plenty of fluids, getting enough rest and, yes, having some old-fashioned chicken soup.
Those things may not chase away a cold, but they can help you feel better while it's around, he said.
The current study was funded by the U.S. National Institutes of Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Some of the co-researchers on the work are with Warwick, Australia-based MediHerb, maker of the echinacea product used in the study.
SOURCE: http://link.reuters.com/fuz54p Annals of Internal Medicine, December 21, 2010.
Is It OK to Have Meal Replacements?
Meal replacements are portion-controlled food or drinks that contain anywhere from 100-300 calories, designed to help you lose weight. They can come in the form of shakes, soups, prepackaged entrees or snack bars.
Many people have had success using them, according to the American Diabetes Association (ADA). In fact, people who use them have significantly greater weight loss than those using standard low-calorie diets, says the ADA. But there are definitely pros and cons.
The pros:
They’re convenient. Usually easy-to-prepare or grab-and-go, replacements like shakes and bars make a good substitute for times when you’re on the run.
They require no cooking skills. Prepackaged entrees make putting together combinations of vegetables, sauces and starches – with appropriate amounts of fat and calories – easy. You never have to get out a cookbook or measuring spoon.
The cons:
They can cause you to overeat. Some people get lured into thinking that since they are eating healthy combinations of ingredients, they can eat more, and they end up overdoing the calories. Others find the replacements leave them feeling hungry or unsatisfied, possibly resulting in bingeing later.
You can end up swapping one problem for another. Some meal replacements replace fat with sugar, or sugar with fat. Watch the ingredients list to make sure you’re not forgoing one problem food to find you’re over-eating another.
You don’t learn how to eat in the "real world." It’s best to learn how to eat regular foods that you will encounter at restaurants, friends’ homes and other places.
Meal replacements were made to help limit food intake. You might want to use them in moderation until you know they work for you. For more information on this, check out Are Meal Replacements Right for You?
Reprinted from 101 Weight Loss Tips for Preventing and Controlling Diabetes by Anne Daly, Linda Delahanty and Judith Wylie-Rosett. Copyright by the American Diabetes Association. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Many people have had success using them, according to the American Diabetes Association (ADA). In fact, people who use them have significantly greater weight loss than those using standard low-calorie diets, says the ADA. But there are definitely pros and cons.
The pros:
They’re convenient. Usually easy-to-prepare or grab-and-go, replacements like shakes and bars make a good substitute for times when you’re on the run.
They require no cooking skills. Prepackaged entrees make putting together combinations of vegetables, sauces and starches – with appropriate amounts of fat and calories – easy. You never have to get out a cookbook or measuring spoon.
The cons:
They can cause you to overeat. Some people get lured into thinking that since they are eating healthy combinations of ingredients, they can eat more, and they end up overdoing the calories. Others find the replacements leave them feeling hungry or unsatisfied, possibly resulting in bingeing later.
You can end up swapping one problem for another. Some meal replacements replace fat with sugar, or sugar with fat. Watch the ingredients list to make sure you’re not forgoing one problem food to find you’re over-eating another.
You don’t learn how to eat in the "real world." It’s best to learn how to eat regular foods that you will encounter at restaurants, friends’ homes and other places.
Meal replacements were made to help limit food intake. You might want to use them in moderation until you know they work for you. For more information on this, check out Are Meal Replacements Right for You?
Reprinted from 101 Weight Loss Tips for Preventing and Controlling Diabetes by Anne Daly, Linda Delahanty and Judith Wylie-Rosett. Copyright by the American Diabetes Association. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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