Never mind that last year’s resolutions fell apart by Feb. 1. You still want to lose weight, exercise more, find a new love and improve your health, don’t you? With these sure-fire tips from the country’s leading life coaches, you can achieve your goals in 2012.
Setting New Year’s resolutions may seem clichéd, but most of us welcome a chance to change bad habits and improve ourselves.
And there’s no better time than when the calendar flips to a new year.
“The idea of a new year gives people hope and optimism,” says Adrienne Ressler, a body image specialist and national training director of the Renfrew Center Foundation, a nationwide women’s mental health service that specialized in eating disorders.
People have more energy and enthusiasm to change then, says Gabrielle Bernstein, a New York City-based motivational speaker and author of Add more ~ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness (QNY), “Other times of the year, we might be more apathetic.”
So you’re full of good intentions to lose weight, quit smoking or exercise more, but how do you turn your dreams into reality?
Check out these 12 tips from some of the country’s leading life coaches. They’ll help you stick to your resolutions through January and beyond.
1. Make goals actionable.
You can’t just set goal and hope you change.
“It never happens that way,” says Dani Johnson, a Texas-based career and family coach and author of Grooming the Next Generation for Success (Sound Wisdom).
Resolutions should be concrete.
So don’t say to yourself: I’ll lose weight. Make it: I’ll lose 10 pounds by summer.
“Many of us fail because we haven’t turned a goal into something to actually do,” says M.J. Ryan, an executive coach and author of numerous books, including, This Year I Will…How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution or Make a Dream Come True (Broadway).
Figure out what actions you must to take to reach your dream, she says.
If you want to be more patient, “decide to leave the room every time you become overly angry.”
If you’re in sales and your closing ratio is tanking, “then buy a book, go to a seminar,” Johnson says.
2. Keep your list small.
Less is more when it comes to keeping resolutions.
If you focus on one or two goals, not a huge list, you’re more likely to accomplish them.
“Don’t try to do too many things; your brain can’t keep track.” Ryan says.
Pick one goal — “two, max,” she says — that you really want to work on.
3. Just show up.
It’s half the battle, Johnson says.
If you vow to walk through the gym doors three days a week, you’ll probably end up on the treadmill.
Or take an action that requires follow-through, an approach recommended by Ori Goldstein, a Fort Lauderdale, Fla.-based personal performance coach.
For a client whose goal was to teach a large seminar, Goldstein made him create marketing materials and start selling tickets. “Once that was done, he was so far down the path, he had no way to go but get ready for the seminar.”
But what if you don’t — or can’t — follow through?
“It is easier to apologize for not doing something and adjusting the time-line than it is to wake up years from now and realize you never achieved your goal,” Goldstein says.
4. What motivates you?
Pleasurable reminders of why your goal is important help keep you on track.
Do you want to be healthier so that you can see grandkids grow up? Do you hope to retire to a dream home in Hawaii? Then keep pictures of the children on your desk or a gorgeous Hawaiian sunset on the refrigerator.
Use sticky notes, cards or objects — even a stuffed animal, a technique that helped motivate one of Ryan’s clients.
She wanted to lose weight and stop eating snacks in her car between appointments.
“She put a little stuffed bunny in her car to remind herself that she wanted to feel beautiful enough to have sex with her husband,” Ryan says.
Or create a “Vision Board,” suggests Janice Taylor, a lifestyles coach and author of Our Lady of Weight Loss: Miraculous and Motivational Musings from the Patron Saint of Permanent Fat Removal (Studio).
Take a frame or cork board and fill it with inspiring quotes, motivating pictures or any reminder of what you want to achieve.
5. Visualize.
See yourself eating better meals, exercising or keeping your cool with the kids.
It’s a dress rehearsal for the real thing because change “starts and ends in the mind,” Taylor says.
“When you visualize, your brain practices your action,” she says. “See yourself eating less, exercising more, relaxing, succeeding, smiling, being in a happy relationship, making money, singing, dancing.”
6. Get rid of temptation.
You can’t munch mindlessly while watching TV if you don’t have chips or ice cream in the house.
If you’re trying to lose weight, keep only low-calorie edibles at home and shop the supermarket’s perimeter, where healthier food is displayed, Johnson says.
Another good tip: Plan meals for the next seven days and buy only what you need. This cuts down on impulse shopping, she says.
7. Make appointments.
Schedule your desired habit into your calendar along with the kids’ soccer game, work tasks and doctor’s appointments.
Making specific, time-bound appointments to exercise, for example, means you’re more likely to take action, Ryan says.
“Want to write every day? Block it out on your calendar,” she says.
8. What worked in 2011?
Take a hard look at 2011 and consider where you succeeded and failed. It will show you what steps worked and what to avoid.
Ask yourself some key questions, Johnson advises: What needs to change in me to achieve that goal? What skills do I need to make it happen?
And look at the excuses that derailed your resolutions last year.
“Because of the way our brains are hardwired, we tend to repeat behavior over and over,” Ryan says.
One key to success is to break excuse-making routines.
How? Write down your typical rationalizations and create strategies to deal with them, she says.
Do you eat fattening foods at day’s end because you deserve a reward? Then create a different incentive – for example, a hot bath or a romantic DVD movie.
Too tired to exercise for the scheduled hour? Simplify instead: Take a 10-minute walk around the block, just to keep momentum going.
Don’t let yourself even think of slacking off, Ryan says. “You don’t negotiate with yourself about brushing your teeth. You just do it.”
9. Don’t blame yourself.
Forgive yourself when you goof up — because you will.
“Blame and shame are not motivating,” says Ressler. They make you feel bad about yourself and de-energize you. “You have to be your own cheerleader.”
Forgiveness is a key ingredient, says Bernstein, the New York City-based motivational speaker. “Resentment’s like drinking poison.”
Forgiveness “positively affects your energy and the energy of those around you,” she says.
10. Celebrate successes.
Our brains track successes and discard failure, so “look at how far you’ve come, not how much you have left to do,” Ryan says.
“Scientists call this the horizon effect,” she says. “It creates encouragement.”
Take a tip from babies learning to walk: An infant’s far happier that she’s finally taking a few steps than upset about how often she fell down. Adults can learn new habits this way too.
11. Don’t do it alone.
Find a “resolution buddy,” someone to take walks with you, meet you at the gym or talk you down when you’re jonesing for a cigarette or a Snickers.
This makes you accountable to someone other than yourself.
“You’ll also feel a sense of purpose and accomplishment from helping your friend reach her goals,” says Taylor.
Find a mentor or someone to imitate.
“When it comes to changing human behavior, nothing beats good old-fashioned role models,” Ryan says.
But beware of saboteurs: We all know people who disparage our best efforts, so don’t overshare your goals.
“Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to not share your dream with the wrong people,” says Goldstein, the personal performance coach.
12. Be realistic.
You can’t go from 200 pounds to looking like Heidi Klum if your genes don’t work that way. So learn to accept your limitations.
“People get unrealistic about what they are able to change or how quickly they can change,” Ressler says. She uses “No Resolutions” statements to give women a swift mental kick when they start having negative, self-defeating thoughts.
Some examples: “NO! I won't define my sense of self by the way my body looks.” Or “NO! I won't minimize my achievement by comparing myself to an unattainable ideal.”
“You may not love your body, but you can resolve to become friends with it,” Ressler says.
Stephanie Schorow is a Boston-based freelance writer.
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