More than 65 million Americans — 29 percent of the U.S. population — provide care to a loved one. While caregiving has its rewards, the emotional and physical strain of caring for someone with a chronic or terminal illness can take its toll, and those experiencing the most stress may be compromising their own health.
If you’re a caregiver, how do you know whether you’re in need of tender loving care yourself? What can you do to avoid burning out? Here are eight ways to take care of yourself while offering your best self to your loved one.
1. Watch for stress, depression
Do you feel tired most of the time, or overwhelmed and irritable? Are you gaining or losing weight, oversleeping, sleeping too little, or losing interest in activities you typically enjoy? These could be signs of depression and severe stress, and when they arise, mental health experts advise seeking professional help.
2. Let things go
Forget about trying to be the “perfect” caregiver, advises MayoClinic.com. It’s OK if the dust bunnies gather or you’re not making gourmet meals. Setting too high expectations of yourself only contributes to the stress you’re already likely feeling. Don’t make things harder on yourself by trying to do everything. When people offer assistance, respond with specific tasks they can do, such as shopping for groceries, running errands, or doing some household chores.
3. Educate yourself
Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s condition and how to be a caregiver, advises HelpGuide.org. You’re likely to be more effective and feel more positive about your efforts. Gail Sheehy, author of “Passages of Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence,” suggests having two or three consults with different medical providers and picking one to be a sort of “medical quarterback” to help you wade through care options and assemble a team.
4. Join a support group
Being around people who understand what you are going through and who have information that can help you in your caregiver role can be a big asset. Support groups also are a way to be social and to offer and accept encouragement. In addition to groups that may meet in your community, you also might find virtual support groups online from all over the world, allowing you to find help without even leaving the house. Other useful information is also online. Good places to start are: eCareDiary.com and TheFamilyCaregiver.org.
5. Try respite care
Short-term nursing homes, adult-care centers, day hospitals, and in-home respite programs all can help give you a break, even if it’s just for a few hours a day. If your loved one is a veteran, government benefits such as home-health coverage and financial support might be available, notes HelpGuide.org.
6. Find balance
Two-thirds of today’s caregivers also work outside the home, according to MayoClinic.com. How do you strike a balance between responsibilities? Share your work loads, ask human resources about assistance programs, and keep communication with your supervisor open, the website advises. Also, ask your loved one’s physician to send your employer a letter explaining the situation.
7. Take care of yourself
Try to eat well-balanced meals and exercise to maintain your own good health. Stress-management exercises like yoga and tai chi are particularly good, says CareGiverStress.com. Doing something you enjoy — biking, swimming, dancing — for 20 minutes at least three times a week is especially important. When you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, take a meditation break by walking away to a quiet space and breathing deeply for a few minutes.
8. Accept your feelings
Caregiving unleashes many feelings, including guilt, anger, fear, resentment, and grief, explains HelpGuide.org. It’s important to allow yourself these feelings, while not compromising the well-being of your loved one. Guilt is an especially common feeling among caregivers. Manage it by first identifying it and being compassionate with yourself, advises Dr. Vicki Rackner, at CareGiver.org. “Cloudy moods, like cloudy days, come and go,” she writes. “There’s no one way a caregiver should feel. When you give yourself permission to have any feeling, and recognize that your feelings don’t control your actions, your guilt will subside.”
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